Dr. Pants Mcturd's MORE Than True Horrorscopes

Dr Pants McTurd's

More Than True Horrorscopes

(unassociated with neither horror nor scopes of any ilk)

pantsmcturd.blogspot.com

Quality Futurism That Doesn’t Suck!

♈ Aries –Reminder: here on Earth, it’s summer! In the northern hemi anyhoo, the air is warm and nourishing, and doggonnit, you could sleep outside it's so nice. And maybe you should. The Dr Pants wants you to camp, camp out, camp outside somewhere that makes you feel like new again, like whatever blackness you've been holding or harboring, whatever ancient evil that pervades your innermost Freudian nether regions, now is the time to molt and shed such obvious attempts at disguising your own true self to the stars above. Now is the time of maximum solar energyand of it you should avail yourself, if not a whole week, at least a weekend full on and in the out of doors. It’ll cleanse, rectify & blow your mind. Reconnect. Rebuild. Restore.

♉ Taurus – I'm not lucky to have this job, I'm lucky to be alive. Frakking brilliant, right? Or maybe luck is bullshite and we make our own luck thru repeated and unapologetic attempts at getting thru this spacetime fabric with not only our samsaric® skins intact, but also our karmically divine and  unimaginably magnanimous spirits in- and attuned. WE are made of star stuff. Literally, all our atoms, every iota of energy that makes up us, the we, the royal WE, all that energy was created inside a star, all of us began as a conglomeration of energy that coalesced into ‘solid’ matter. And now, here’s you and the Dr Pants, and the present moment, where any thing you can imagine is possible. Dream large and build constructively and with purpose. There is neither a spoon, nor is there any such thing as luck.  

♊ Gemini –Full moon on Sat the 12^th btw, and fyi it’s the peak of summer photonic solar energy, in the northern hemi anyhoo, and also btw & fyi: When you look at the full moon, directly behind it is the constellation Capricorn, hence a Capricorn moon, and btw & fyi: behind the Sun is the constellation Cancer, and furtherly that at this time, the moon and the sun will be pulling on Earth, and hence on you personally, in opposite yet somehow equal directions between metaphorical water and earth. Oh, and btw &fyi, currently, you reside at a personal best in terms of looking foxy and the strutting of stuff. Find your party pants and find someone to kiss.  

♋ Cancer –The sky is having a crab fest right now, yet fret nary, you’re not the main course, but rather the guest of honor. Happy continuing Birthday times! Quick lowdown skywise: backing up the Sun is the constellation Cancer (yes, you!), in a nice straight line all the way to the Crab Nebula. Yes, your constellation has its own nebula—a supernova from a thousand light years ago. AND…the full moon on the 12^th is against a sky of constellular Capricorn, your skywise opposite and equal, is in effect pulling on Earth in two opposite yet equal directions. For a small cosmic moment, it’s party central here in crab apple cove. Dust off your party pincers & find a beach. The water’s perfectly salty and divinely warm and luxuriant. Happy Birthday, Crabby.

♌ Leo –Posit: many mammals are carnivores, right, and many hunt at night, and specifically, there’s bound to be more stalking and hunting during a full moon—more light, right, and so as we human types evolved to hunt larger and larger prey—top o’the food chain, right—as a species we’ve become attuned to the moon and its cycles. Point is, is that Sat the 12^th is a full moon—Oh and btw, it’s residing against a backdrop of Capricornian constellular masses, like literally, the moon and the Crab constellation are pulling us in opposite yet equal directions in timespace. The Dr’s astro advice: go directly to where the earth and water intersect, and get comfy for at least a weekend.

♍ Virgo –The Dr Pants’s posit for the week occurs thusly: big carnivores like us humans & lions & whathaveya, we’ve evolved as hunters of larger and more dangerous game—top o’the food chain, right, and surprise surprise, a full moon is a great time to hunt, way more night light, right, and so accordingly our adrenaline systems and energy levels might also attune themselves accordingly to provide our bodies with maximum durability during intense lunations to ensure a better hunt, a better kill, & ergo more survival. Neat, right? Well shucks, Sat the 12^th is a full lunation—against a backdrop of stars from a fellow earth sign, the Cappie, the mountain goat with the most goatee! Point is, is: full moon on Sat. Beware lunacy and saturnalia.

♎ Libra –Regeneration is your watchword for the week. Recently the Dr Pants unsuccessfully tried to slice off a fingertip with an over eager knife that turns out, was quite sharp. Luckily he survived, as did the fingertip, which somehow reshaped, rebuilt and restructured itself back to its original shape. Our bodies have evolved to regenerate, without our conscious knowledge or intervention. The body just does it—all on its own recognizance. Posit: the psyche has a similar evolution and is also self healing. Astro advice: now is the time of max solar munitions, in the northern hemi anyhoo, so put your conscious meditative energy toward buttressing your already innate self healing. Physician, heal thyself. Time is ripe.

♏ Scorpio –From an Earthly pov, Cap and Cancer are opposite each other in the sky, right, and currently the constellation Cancer is right behind our sun, and thanks to gravity, Cancer is pulling our star as well as us—we, the royal WE, towards it, towards space water and crabby beach dwellers, and furtherly and concurrently the full moon on Sat the 12^th, floats upon a backdrop of constellular Capricorn, aka the sea goat—and so that group of stars is pulling on us in the opposite direction. There’s a lot of attraction and mutual gravity going down in cosmos town, right? Rife with symbolism, no? This nexus twixt earth and water should reveal treasure. Eyes on the prize.

♐ Sagittarius -Perhaps we are all endless intellectual warriors, bound to be curious, infinitely intrepid, and ever clever in our endeavors to find out what's next, what's ahead via the horizon, zenith, or wormhole. Infinity seems like a shiteload of time, right? And our atoms, our very constitutions are borne of star stuff, of helium and hydrogen, and whatever coalesced before muons and gluons started working together to form matter. So really as long as we're conscious, what really could be the matter? Nigh tis full moon ‘gainst a backdrop of a Capricornian constellular conspiracies—common sense, intelligent, bold, and yet measured steps into a larger future.

♑ Capricorn –From current earthly pov, our sun is hanging out at the local watering hole of the constellation Cancer, at summer’s height—in the northern hemi anyhoo, maximum photons and energy waves pointed right at us, and meanwhile the moon, which is full on the 12^th  btw, is parked in front of the constellation Capricorn, aka the sea goat…fer reals, you’re a goat, due the section of the sky you call home, you’re actually a goat that likes the water—who knew right? Point is, is that you only get one full moon a year in your sign. This week, you’re extra fancy & super high falutin’. In short, your poop don’t stink. Act accordingly and exercise your kingly kindliness.

Aquarius ♒ -So little to do and so much time. Wait. Strike that. Reverse it. And also, a quick primer on Uranus: allegedly, it’s the ruling planet of Aquarius, for whatever that’s worth, considering it wasn’t discovered till maybe 1690, giving well intentioned yet oft inept astrologers very little time to ascribe this particular green gas giant’s bona fides, so let’s say furtherly, that Uranus’s orbit is irregular compared to ALL the other planets, and even furtherly, that it’s the only planet named for a Greek god rather than Roman, and yet still furtherly, that we Aquarii are reputed to be unpredictable, perhaps unusual and absurdly unbelievably fast on our mental feet, and yet once more furtherly, Uranus is in the constellation Aries til 2018—slow orbit, right? As usual: consider all things and non-things, but don’t forget to carpe omnia—Seize everything. Time is ripe for pickin..

♓ Pisces –Posit this wack shite: full moon on Sat the 12^th—so we see the full face of the moon lit up by yonder sun, and in this once yearly instance, behind the sun is Cancer, and behind the full moon is Capricorn. Furtherly, thanks to gravity and science, the moon and sun are pulling on Earth as well as on you, personally, in opposite yet oddly equal directions, betwixt super solar heated water and effervescent tide pools, and an alleged mountain goat representing earth and possibly, stateliness—and you in betwixt the two. Amid these disparate tidal energies, hold tight—for what you discover between ebb & flow is rare & priceless. Thar be treasure both near & nigh.