Dr Pants McTurd's
More Than True Horror-scopes
pantsmcturd.blogspot.com
(not associated with
horror or scopes of any ilk)
Quality Futurism That
Doesn’t Suck!
♈ Aries –Quick primer re
Mercury, originally Hermes, and probably something prior—likely Etruscan—nothing
changes—but for reals, Hermes was a child of Zeus, a clever fleet footed cad,
on humanity’s mortal side and with Zeus’ permission, admiration even, for the
derring-do with which Hermes was innately adept. And so we named Mercury thusly,
because what was Hermes fell into disfavor when power shifted to Italy rather
than Greece—closer to open sea as well as interior europe—the Dr Pants will
capitalize that btw, when europe grows up and accounts for what it has wrought
around the world—that aside & anyhoo, Mercury, from an earthly pov, is
increasing its speed across our heavens, and after lazing its retrograde way
thru Cancer, it’s now in Leo, the king of the celestial jungle, as is the Sun,
and also Jupiter. Lots of leonine sky fire—use it judiciously, depsite your
usual intolerance for good ideas going to waste and a penchant for
impatience. Strike as the lion strikes—in an unexpected flash after
thorough stalking.
♉ Taurus –At any given moment, our earth is
ablaze with literal fires, insurrections, injustices, extinctions, and shite
that we all wish would find a black hole somewhere and take the big plunge into
the next dimension, where maybe it can work it out, in a less violent way,
after being compressed down to a subatomic singularity, removing the stinger
from the wasp. With all the shite, what's a simple Taurus to do? Especially in
a celestial time of mucho planetary Leo fire and saturnalian Scorpionic fire water?
That's it! Scorp is your opposite and deep depth diving astro partner,
determined to help you discover the truth beneath the waves, be they water,
wind, tectonic or earthly, or even conflagrationary—point is, is that the Dr
Pants advises all taurean minds to make your environment a product of you,
rather than the alternative. Time is ripe. Eat the juice.
♊ Gemini -Stellar
time to be an air sign! The Sun, Mercury and Jupiter-shite ton of mass and
gravity, right—all pulling us towards the constellation Leo, all that energy
directed towards fire. Change, upset, catalysts, and fiery impetus aimed at morphing
the matter around you into other types of matter. And then we have Saturn,
another big gas bag, hanging out in Scorpio town, basically the aquafied version
of Leo fire—fire water if you will—moon shine. Speaking of, whatever you've
been slowly concocting, or gestating in that oast brain of yours, now is a
spectacular time light it up—metaphorically, or maybe literally—just maintain
control of the burn. What will arise from the ashes will be a phoenix, a
rebirth, a new matrix, that will purge the extraneous while you self engorge
with new life. Just remember, you're the air, the fuel—keep control of the
burn.
♋ Cancer -Oh
gentle Cancer, scuttling sideways, pinching and clawing your way thru tide
pools and beaches awash with constant change—now is a celestial time of rebirth,
amid fiery endings and fresh beginnings. Check it: shite ton of mass and
gravity pulling us all towards Leo, the celestial king of all jungles, and then
there’s Saturn, in fellow water sign Scorpio, but this water sign is closer to
moonshine than H2O. Transformation of matter and certain material aspects of
your life that have been begging for change, are all steeped in the catalysts of
fire and fire water. The Dr Pants isn’t suggesting a total purge, but rather an
inventory—of what should be kept and what should be tossed overboard like so
much fish guts and ballast. In with the new…
♌ Leo -Everything
is coming up Leo. The Sun is in Leo, providing birthday times for all felines,
be they terrestrial or celestial. Jupiter, also very large—hella gravity
right—it's also in Leo—til 2015 btw. Also, Mercury is in the constellation Leo.
And then there's Saturn—in Scorpio, essentially adding fire water to actual
fire. The sky is a bonfire that somebody just tossed moonshine on, but hey—it's
summer, so why not raise the roof by setting it aflame. If you're a fire sign,
or a Scorp—digging deep, uprooting old beliefs or ideologies and then lighting
them on fire is indeed in fashion. Maybe literally, maybe as a metaphor, it's
time to toss the useless ballast, flotsam and/or jetsam onto the flames.
Something new will inevitably arise, phoenix like and determined to make the
most of this alchemical soup. Happy birthday you absurdly mucho macho fine
feline. Mee-owww.
♍ Virgo –Quick lunar
primer: our moon moves pretty fast around the earth, so fast that it changes
signs about every two days and just like every NFL team gets a Mon nite game,
every sign gets a new moon and a full moon once per year, and since the sky is
conveniently divided into 365°, on the day the Sun slips into let’s say, Leo,
which it is currently, the new moon is also in Leo, and the full moon on the 10th
will be in Aquarius, conveniently 180° from Leo—Leo fire and Aqua air are
complimentary, despite both signs’ inherent need to be different from everybody
else. Point is, is that the next new moon on the 25th will be in
Virgo, so congrats on that I suppose, and the next full moon in Sept will be in
Pisces. The Dr Pants agrees—geometry is neat! Posit: everything moves in
patterns that generally repeat, so where were you last year at this time? A
full circle of sorts is soon to arrive. Out with the old…
♎ Libra –Despite the Dr
Pants’s semi fluency in spanish tongues, the Dr insists that Oye Como Va, which roughly translates
to, Hey pal, how ya doin?, should be
changed to Oiga Como Va, which
roughly means, Listen As You Go,
which holds more import and gravity, because as you travel thru your daily
routine, what if you listened as you went, and ignored the need for constant
supervision and just fell into the flow of patterns that inevitably repeat, the
sounds of the street, background voices usually filtered out by the drone of
the junglecacophany—the human rainforest is never a quiet place. The answers
you seek require a mindful distractedness from the ego’sits goals and desires,
and allow the answers to come to you, filtered thru the substrates of your
complex mind. Let the ‘verse do the work, let your mind go, and your body and
soul will follow.
♏ Scorpio –Stellar
time to be a Scorp! Lots of planetary action in Leo, and Saturn is swimming
midstream in the scorpionic constellation. Yes Leo and Scorp energy are
copasetic bedfellows, mutually infectious, like wildfire. Leo loves change and
usually of a randomized sort. Scorps love to dig shite up from untold deeps,
and now's a stellar time to bring it to the surface, dry it out, and set it
aflame, and push it back out to sea. A Viking funeral for shite that’s plagued
us for too long, like dirt under the fingernails, or the primordial political primate
grime that pervades us all. Be not afeared of what you imagine you could never
part with. That gunk wants to change as much as you do, especially the shite
that's been festering. Cleanse yourself of all that is unworthy and useless.
Set it ablaze and asea towards the next dimension. Free your mind of idylls.
♐ Sagittarius -Dude, is
it cool to be a fire sign right now! The Sun, Jupiter and mercurial Mercury are
all in the constellation Leo, and to boot, Saturn—third biggest gas bag in our
system btw, is in Scorpio. Imagine a bonfire, and then throw some moonshine on
it. Yes, conflagrationary it might be. Whatever you got that's outdated or
purposeless, it's time to cleanse by fire, add catalyst to what is already
changing and on the move. Look in the mirror, connect to your inner fire, and
change deeply, change drasticslly if necessary, change for the sake of change, but
go full phoenix, and rebirth yourself from the ashes. You love change,
especially when you have a stake in it. Time is ripe for plucking the future
fruits of your deisres, dreams and career ambitions. Grab some fruit.
♑ Capricorn -If you
hadn't noticed, earth seems very slow to change—in this particular epoch & from
our pov, anyhoo. Sure, eons ago, when earth and fire were so commingled that
twixt the twain, boundaries were thin, and our fiery earth was too hot to
handle fer sure. But we've cooled, tectonic plates have surfaced and even tho
they're still subject to a molten core—they’re fairly stable. A cooling Earth hence
from a fiery nativity that can now support life! Neat evolution, no? Even now,
Everest seems to stand forever despite wind and water eating away at its
height. Astro-logically speaking, now is a time of celestialfire, and firewater.
Hella planets in Leo, and Saturn in Scorpio. The Dr Pants is not predicting
literal earthquakes, but metaphorical ones, even small ones that add up to
multi level changes. Whatever doesn't suit ya, toss onto the fire, and
transform your ballast into something useful. Keep what ya need, toss what ya
don’t.
Aquarius
♒ -Holy shite, check
before you wreck: we get one full moon per month, 12 per year, and each full
moon is in an ascending sign, and guess what—the full moon on the 10th
is in the constellation Aquarius, it’s our full moon, not unironically while
the Sun shines in league with the constellation Leo. An Aquarii, perhaps the
likes of the Dr Pants, might infer that this time of year is not just our
collective half birthdays, but alignment with friendly forces, allies like the
Sun in Leo for a month, and Jupiter just recently in Leo, even Mercury in
Leo—buckets of celestial leonine mojo to reinforce our stringent penchant for
logic over emotion—the Lion asks, why not both? Despite our willful ignorance,
there are reins—and a time to seize them. Carpe
omnia.
♓ Pisces –The Dr Pants was
planning on regaling you with all the cool astronomy shite that’s geometrically
playing out in the heavens above us, but the Dr Pants also knows that Pisceans
are easily bored with the yadda yadda of rhetoric & rigmarole, and let’s
get to the party already! So, here’s your immediate future, sans the science
and nifty facts, in the form of an allegory—no a fable—ah frak, whatever—this
Pisces guy, an acquantance of the Dr Pants, never finds random pennies on the
ground because he’s always looking up—Up towards whatever the horizon and the
heavens might portend. Ergo the ground is useless, as are pennies, unless they
come from heaven. It’s nearly Virgo time, which means Pisces time, which means
anything goes. Time is ripe. Grab what you desire with gusto and without
regret. Currently you know no bounds.
No comments:
Post a Comment