Dr. Pants Mcturd's MORE Than True Horrorscopes

Dr Pants McTurd's

More Than True Horror-scopes

(not associated with horror or scopes of any ilk)

Quality Futurism That Doesn’t Suck!

♈ Aries –Amazeballs of a full moon in Aries this week, right? The Dr Pants’s pants are still drooling in rehab, but let’s palaver seriously for a tick and discuss the simultaneous total lunar eclipse that also happened on Wed—the second of four in a tetrad btw, connecting this past April to the NOW, and to ensuing eclipses slated for arrival in spring and fall 2015. Furtherly, the Dr Pants knows that all Aries’ lucky number is four—and this eclipse was two of four—doubly lucky. Ergo, now’s a good time, with little bastard Mercury in retrograde thru Libra—your celestial opposite and horny equal—to see big pictures with microscopic acuity and insight. Delve, you skyward ram—delve, decrypt, descry and declaim your goals, wishes and dreams to the 3D printer called the multiverse.

   

♉ Taurus -Despite current astro climes, certain Taurean underbellies, sub consciousnesses and rivers of dreams are most likely rife and refulgent with not so subtle scorpionic yet ironically non toxic cleansing rituals. Let’s posit: opposite side of the sky from Taurus the Bull is the constellular and colossal unkillable sky scorpion—the Scorpio, and on the 10^th, little retrograde bastard Mercury goes back into Libra, retracing a path already taken, leaving the path not yet taken to be like wtf?? The scorpion must have spooked him because he’s backing up into Libra, retracing a path already taken, leaving the potentially dangerous path of a scorpion for a later November date. And all this astro havoc is all leading towards a new moon in Scorp in two weeks and in a month a full moon in, wait for it—Taurus—el toro informidable, no? The month ahead is meaty and full of sensually potent portent. Receive, relish and revitalize.  

♊ Gemini –The Dr Pants can smell that Geminis are on the hunt… possibly as a result of the recent full moon and total lunar eclipse in occasionally friendly fire Aries on Wed—the second of four in a tetrad of total lunar eclipses btw that will cul- and fulminate in the spring and fall of 2015. Yet as of the 10^th little bastard Mercury moves retrograde back into Libra, retracing a path already taken in Sept, leaving the path not taken to wonder wtf? Normally coy and subtrefuged, you Gem’s are ripe for the plucking rather than being plucked. Consequently, your power animal of the week is the Ochre-bellied Boobook, aka a conniving and cunning owl—keen vision and hyper mental acuity. Be the boobook, identify what you want and then go get it. You’re a wing’d and insatiable beast.

♋ Cancer -Amazeballs kinda week already, right—what with full moon in occassionally hell bent Aries and simultaneously a total lunar eclipse, blocking all of the reflected Libran sunlight, turning the moon blood red—the second of four total eclipses in a row btw—yeah, it’s a tetrad! And on the 10^th Mercury—still retrograding thro’ grass shredding circles ‘cross our collective un- and subconscious lawns and topiaries—moves back into the scaly sign of the Libra on the 10th, retracing a path already taken back in Sept, leaving the path not yet taken wondering wtf? Eclipses are like little wormholes connecting points in time, from the full eclipse last April to the NOW, to the next two big ones that come spring and fall 2015. This October, the micro and macro, the past and future and all that you are/were/ever will be will reunite & reverse and then reshape & rekindle misplaced passions and obsessions. Torque and twerk.

♌ Leo – Originating from an Aquarian state of mind, the Dr Pants would usually proscribe super duper action oriented activities for a leonine mind such as yours, and yet he’s reminded of the words of Marcus Aurelius via Hannibal Lecter—‘We fall in love with what We see everyday’. And currently the astro clime smells thusly: while little bastard Mercury moves retrograde back thru Libra, retracing a path already taken, leaving the path not taken to be like wtf, I’m right here! All wild cats may be inclined to hunt previously elusive prey and chase the tale/tail that got away. Déjà vus underscored by ancient didgeridoos are abound thru out October. Stay alert and focussed, for what you want is nearby and waiting to be caught. Grab, and then kiss.

♍ Virgo – It’s possible you may pass the next couple weeks spending time making rhymes of yesterday, not because one is the loneliest number, but because little bastard Mercury is in retrograde—on a celestial timeout—and on the 10^th it goes back into the air sign Libra, retracing a celestial path already taken in Sept, leaving the path not taken to feel like wtf?? This aggression may or may not stand, man because déjà vus and didgeridoos may be reminding you of connections to times past, pasttimes, and some of both that are yet to occur. It also helps that we just hit the second of four total lunar eclipses in a row on Wed, connecting this past April to the NOW, and to eclipses next in spring and fall 2015—little mometary wormholes, connecting points in timespace. What does it all mean?? The Dr Pants can’t/won’t say and doesn’t need to. Let your mind go and the future will follow like resplendent détentes of heartfelt and bountiful rewards for good behavior. Soon—presents and latent Bday cake—surprisingly good and not stale.

♎ Libra – Yes, Libra—still naked birthday party sun times for you and your ilk, so don’t bother with pants because really, who are you kidding? That aside, one could say that the Libran scales of justice represent the equinox—equal light and dark on Earth twice per annum, or maybe even some symbolic enlightened souls that seem like angels among us, distributing equanimity equally ‘mongst all would-be enlightenees. Or—up till the Roman era, the constellation of the scales was actually thought of as the claws of nearby Scorpius—the colossal unkillable sky scorpion. Ergo the Dr pants suggests that in addition to ongoing naked sexy bithday times, Librans also consider re-exchanging those scales for claws. Happy birthday times, kitten. Mee-owwww, scratch that itch, and scratch it good.

♏ Scorpio – Well now you’ve done it. Little bastard Mercury—fleet footed hot ass, way too close to the sun, yeah that guy—he’s in retrograde as he’s overly wont to do, and as soon as he entered Scorpio, he hightailed it back to Libra and will spend about three weeks there—again, retracing a celestial path already taken back in Sept, leaving the path not taken to wonder wtf?? When’s my time?? And another thing, you representation of a giant unkillable sky scorpion—come November, Mercury—then moving ‘forwards’ again, will reenter the Scorpion and we’ll begin again, running the length of the Scorp’s subconscious alimentary canal into the Sagittarius id. For now, October may seem like a Twin Peaks rerun, but with new outcomes and reversals of both fortune and mishap. Unpaved roads on all sides, but soon new moon in Scorp and your party starts jumpin.

♐ Sagittarius –The Dr Pants could prattle and palaver on about star stuff and planets and mercurial retrogrades, which one could read about in any of the other ‘scopes above and below— Or… he could give it to you short, sweet and sans bullsnipe, which he knows you have little time or patience for. Yet briefly: the sky is replete with backwards fire gods bent on dispensing lessons about crap that advanced incendiary souls like yourself are so far ahead of that, frankly—they can all go feck and fark themselves til cows come home. You know what you want. What’s the hold up? Time is ripe to quit stalling and move.

♑ Capricorn – For a celestial goat fish like yourself, the Dr Pants is reminded of Marcus Aurelius via Hannibal Lecter: ‘We fall in love with what we see every day’. And in this celestial case, little bastard Mercury is in retrograde in scaly airy Libra, retracing a path already taken back in Sept, just in case you didn’t get enough of a good/bad/exquisitely tortuous thing. We’ve all seen this movie before, so let’s cut bait and goat fish because October may be rife and replete with reversals of both fortune and mishap, revisions of accepted canon and chaos, and reimaginings of misunderstandings that before this Mercury reversal and retrograde, weren't possible. The lens of history may go from concave to convex. Hold tight and let portent unfold.

Aquarius ♒ - Luckily the Sun shines with Aquarian friendly Libra starlight, and the Mercury retrograde that might normally beset, assualt and beguile us, is happily backstroking thru our friend and fellow air sign and bringer of gifts, but here's the science: just Wednesday we had full moon in Aries and a total lunar eclipse—the second of four total eclipses in a row, beginning last April and re- exploding & exploring come spring and fall 2015. Eclipses are like wormholes, little windows connecting points in time, and October is one door in a series, and if you mentally merge the macro and micro, a futurely oriented braniac like yourself might just see it all unfold before you before any of it even happens. Time is amok, act accordingly and glean wide the wild sargassic sea of potential. Don't go home, go big.

♓ Pisces – This week’s Piscean Poseidon adventure comes courtesy of the good folks over at little bastard Mercury, who as of the 10^th is retrograding back thru Libra, retracing a path already taken in Sept, leaving the path not taken to be all like, wtf? That said, as you are the carrot and the stick, why not forego all the bullshite and trip these balls thusly: as Merc reverses course, certain flotsam and/or jetsam previously believed lost may resurface and demand to be reevaluated, revised, reimagined and retooled. A chance to right a wrong, restoke the fire and get back what you long for—it’s never too late.