Dr. Pants Mcturd's MORE Than True Horrorscopes

Dr. Pants McTurd's

MORE Than True Horror-scopes

(not associated with horror or scopes of any ilk)

                                                   

♈ Aries –We just saw stage one of a rad tetrad the other night, so the Dr. Pants will skip right to the chase: lunar eclipses happen twice a year, at least in this epoch with our swing dancing partner the moon, and this one is the first one of a series of four total lunar eclipses in a row—aka tetrad! The final full moon total lunar eclipse sashays along in Sept 2015. If doors are gonna open readily, merely by your potent mind bullets, from now till next Sept is a ripe time for new perspectives on old regimes of thought and behavior. As in: you, box, out of box, grok different, and elongate your providence, point of view and potential prospectus. Full on, Dude—Activate.

♉ Taurus –Did you feel the tetrad the other night? It was rad. A tetrad is a series of four total lunar eclipses occurring at full moons, and we just waltzed through the first one. From now till Sept of 2015 is potentially a time of great change, if one is inclined and adept at navigating the currents of our collective con- and uncon- sciousnesses. First basely, this first of four moons heralds a shift into Taurean based sunlight, so congrats and happy almost birthday. Secondish, you’re already thru the door, just ask the wish fairy for what you want. She’s in a granting mood starting…NOW.

♊ Gemini –So, what’s new? Did you happen to feel the tetrad the other night? A tetrad btw is a series of four full moon total lunar eclipses in a row. In the world of numbers, it’s pretty heady erotic stuff. We all recently went thru a doorway into another sequence of numbers. If there’s something or someone new in your life of late, it is potentially possible, after a Libra full moon eclipse and onset of tetrad, that it’s something or someone you should follow up on. It/They may be your companion thru this next series of entertaining geometric orbital patterns. Hold hands and dismiss all fears.

♋ Cancer –Crabs, tides, tidepools, primordial ooze, and let’s talk frankly about oblate spheroids and bulging, as in the equatorial kind. So, this rock we live on is spinning, right, and because of centrifugal force, the planet bulges in the middle. We’re not spheres! We’re oblate spheroids! The moon pulls on us too, adding to the junk in our equatorial trunk. The world is neither flat nor round. Mind: blown. Oblate spheroids, who knew? We recently strolled through a full moon, full lunar eclipse—one in a series of four btw, called a tetrad. Tetrad. Four. A tetrad of doorways, as well as dimensions. Bulging time lines and spaces. Keep swimming—your ocean is about to get warm, calm, effervescent and luminescent, with lucky omens of phosphorescent and luminous providence.

♌ Leo –On average lightning strikes the earth 100 times per second, over a billion times per year. Yeah—big rock we’re spinning on, eh? And in the distant more primordial past, that number was likely a thousand times bigger. Now, the Dr. Pants won’t try to bullshite a bullshiter like you, but we just began a tetrad of full moon total lunar eclipses the other night with a real whopper in Libra. A procession of equinoxii has begun, and the lightning is on an upswing. Get yourself a lightning rod and make shite happen. The winds are divinely inspired and the skies bursting with electric love juice.

♍ Virgo –Prophets of doom are always wrong. Okay, turns out there was a couple guys who did indeed predict the 2008 financial collapse, but who’s counting, besides white collar crooks who somehow get no jail time? My point is, is that the other night we had a crash course in orbital geometry with the first of a tetrad. A tetrad btw is a series of four full moon total lunar eclipses in a row. In the world of numbers and sequencing, it’s pretty heady erotic stuff. But back to the dooms -dayers and –darers: Ignore all of them. We’ll be done with these fancy numbers in Sept 2015. Between now and then, feel free to move about the cabin and help yourself to a cocktail, or three.

♎ Libra –The Dr. Pants hopes you guys enjoyed the full moon in Libra the other night, as well as the onset of the tetrad! It was not only a full moon, but a total lunar eclipse—the kind you can look at and not burn your retinas to dust. And this is the first of four in a row, aka the TETRAD! The series will conclude with the fourth eclipse in Sept 2015—with the sun in Libra and the full moon in your cosmic dance partner, Aries. Orbital geometry is pretty nifty and potentially foreboding—not of ill necessarily, but rather like we’re waltzing thru the multiverse on this rock here for the next few ticks, and meantime traveling thru doorways of change, in body, mind, spirit and intent. One door opened, three to go…

♏ Scorpio –Did you feel anything weird or funky this week? The Dr. Pants posits that Scorps would catch some weird vibes as we began the tetrad the other nite. A tetrad btw is a series of four full moon total lunar eclipses in a row. In the world of numbers and sequencing, this is pretty heady erotic stuff. We’ll finish out the series of this wacky four sequentially orbital geometries in Sept of 2015. Doors are opening. We’ll be waltzing through some kooky interdimensional times and spaces for the nigh horizon. Scorps—search your feelings, we’ll need you to steer the ship through the slippery, and at times, eel infested waters of inevitable soulful transmogrifications.

♐ Sagittarius –We recently went thru the first of four doors the other night with the onset of the tetrad, which btw is a series of four full moon total lunar eclipses in a row. In the world of numbers and sequencing, this is like a free trip to boner town. There’s usually two lunar eclipses a year, but not necessarily complete and total immersions of la luna into our collective shadow. And now we’re looking down the barrel of three more! The last one will go down in Sept of 2015. So, think about long term, between now and the later now, and what small changes might affect the whole farm. Time to sow.

♑ Capricorn –I totally felt the onset of the tetrad. How was it on your end? A tetrad btw is a series of four full moon total lunar eclipses in a row. In the world of numbers and sequencing, this is pretty heady erotic stuff. Anyhoo, there’s lots of facts and numbers I could throw at you, as well as potential astrological implications, but you’re Neo, and you don’t believe in any of that crap. The door in space that just opened doesn’t portend doom, gloom, prosperity, or enlightenment. It’s just a bunch of numbers that we want to find meaning in. Right? But nihilism is so—base, and bereft. Don’t worry about the vase, have a cookie, and you’ll feel right as rain.

Aquarius ♒ -We began the tetrad the other night. And it was rad. A tetrad btw is a series of four full moon total lunar eclipses in a row. In the world of numbers and sequencing, this is pretty evocative stuff. Howsomeever, before you careen through implied meanings and omens and portents of doom, eternal life, or nihilism, we just met the first one of these moons, the fourth one happening in Sept of 2015. This is the time to think bigger, grander, more long term and big picture show, and how small actions and beliefs affect the grander illusion of our current samsara. Elevate above the collective con- and uncon- sciousnesses and see it all at once. Time is nothing.

♓ Pisces –Well, here we are, just the three of us. You, me and that weird full moon total lunar eclipse we had the other night. Wild and wooly with wanderlust, no? Btw, this particular orbital event was the first in a series of four full moon eclipses in a row, aka a tetrad. In the world of numbers, it’s heady evocative stuff. And four full eclipses in a row is a rare space bird indeed. The last one won’t happen till Sept 2015, so between now and the later now, your salty ocean abysses may shift and roil. But grok the Aquaman and tell the sea life to chillax, grab some krill and watch all the wonder women unfold, like a dancer dreaming of nothing but movement and bliss.