Dr. Pants Mcturd's MORE Than True Horrorscopes

                         Dr. Pants McTurd's

             MORE Than True Horror-scopes

                       

           (not associated with horror or scopes of any ilk)

                                 

this week: The Pants are off till 2013! Feel the breeze…

Doc P’s Neato Word of the Week: adiaphorous. Hopefully this placebo will work.

Doc P’s Random Quote of the Week: “What worries me about religion is that it teaches people to be satisfied with not understanding.”

 ---Richard Dawkins

                                                Aries

Your voice is a golden garden of mellifluous melody as seen from a pleasingly poignant periphery, probably located outside the relative norms that we all concede to eventually; despite evidence to the contrary—like the obvious and cruel injustices of the world that seem hard wired and unavoidable—as if tragedy is our lot in life, our destiny, and sole hope for our progeny. Perhaps we are a puzzle that’s missing a piece—or pieces, which I assume are the ‘lucky’ ones that were unjustly stolen—moments that we can’t get back, and if we’re lucky, we can enjoy with a relish and fervor for life regardless of its iniquities. Wait- reverse engineer that—we are constantly in a state of discovering our natures…as if we are remembering who we are, and hopefully, how—maybe even why.

                                                Taurus

End of the world movie I wish I had thought of last year: It’s Dec 21, 2012, and real fire breathing pissed off alien dragon spawn attack the earth and claim it as their own. They enslave humankind, forcing us to satisfy their twisted carnal and caligulan perversions, until eventually an armed resistance rises up and we slay the dragons, which of course has some subtle undertones of the metaphorical dragons we have to slay inside ourselves to become healthy loving adults; I’m thinking the beautiful Jennifer Lawrence as the Joan of Arc type lead---anyhoo, so--- we end the post apocalyptic death/dragon -scape, and reclaim the earth in the name of a re-united humanity that agrees upon certain inalienable rights—like to life, liberty and the pursuit of an ever changing happiness. But does it really require dragons? Or some other incalculable force that we have yet to imagine? I avouch, NO! Point is, let’s talk development, post end of the world carnage.

Gemini

Okay: we’re going to get real right now with…the Bosphorus. Fer reals, get out your thinking caps and/or maps. It’s a waterway that connects that Asia to Europe, and is of course at and near the birthplace of what we refer to as civilization—geographically pretty neat! But imagine for a moment the countable millennia of primate evolution. We spread out from Africa as a nomadic motley crew, hunting cooperatively and settling when possible, inventing cul- and agri- (ture)/culture there, and establishing boundaries, and evolving---over centuries and eons of time. And it’s been going on from whence we first crawled from the muck, all breathing oxygen and stuff, to say to the world—I AM ALIVE, DON’T TREAD ON ME!!! Point is, the Bosphorus is a metaphor—geography creates part of our identities. Look around you—make sure you like what you see.

Cancer

What if our universe, with all it's strings and theories, is a single cell of a giant organism that is even larger than we can conceive, that in turn is part of a larger ecosystem of an even larger Mother Gaia, which in turn is part of a larger solar system and galaxy that make up another universe replete with stringy theories, and from there it just keeps going ad infinauseum® till only god, or its equivalent, re the future definitions of the uncountable genius of forever and forever and forever and life without end...peace, peace and peace...amongst some strife and bloodshed...but still a delicate balance betwixt ebb and flow; or love and hate, fear and loathing; transdimensional and here/now. But that’s all crazy shit. For now, remember that you are the synecdoche. Tend your farm and nourish your crops.

Leo

Lets conversate on this crazy shit: Our past is a bell curve spanning the difference between what we think we can be, and the hard wired free will of individuality that propels us forward towards uncertain futures that may or may not contain the following: blizzards, giant man eating turtles, rhubarb, professional arm wrestling, and a dead Disney inheriting Star Wars (Walt, protect us). Point is, you are a solar dynamo—a weirdly spinning band of energy created a massive magnetic field that naturally draws matter to you—being a field of any kind, be it magnetic or soccer, means that other fireflies like and unlike yourself will want to light their little fannies and worship your flame, your heat and your light. You have a beautiful glowing butt made of fire and kindness and empathy. Use it to lure your demons to peaceful end.

                                                Virgo

That commercial where a Toyota truck pulls the space shuttle all by itself highlights the philosophical slippery slopes of perspective, or superposition in general timespace. Before the truck pulls the shuttle, they hitch the two together via a simple looking metal pin. And here’s where I think Toyota screwed the pooch on this one: Towing the massive space shuttle requires a lot of force, but only comparable to the tensile strength of the pin—how much stress the pin can handle is paramount to the task, and therefore maybe we all just need a really strong metal pin and not a Toyota, and all our problems will be towed into a permanent home that reeks of civility and quietude. You are that proverbial linchpin now. And your fortitude will be looked directly in the face; but rest easy, for what it will see there will be courage and fearlessness.

                                                Libra

Your intrinsic artiste is cro-magnon and war-like, and yet you casually walk the tightrope betwixt the ethereal and the desired; as well as the mathematically probable and infinite madness of ski slopes made by fusion; processes that are as yet beyond our ken or control, or even design. You are a giant, and thusly I believe you should behave—When smashing snowflakes together, hydrogen becoming one and splitting in twain to become two, and so on ad infinaseum® until we are met not on a battlefield, but on a level plain where all resources are maximized and science rules our fields—not fate, not religion, not dogma, nor ritual—lest it be of the most passive and non lethal kind. Imagine there’s no heaven. That you could actually live your life in peace--weird.

                                                Scorpio

What we’re not prepared for is the next leap of communication betwixt us-- human to human, as a direct result of the more rapid rate of technological capability combined with the concept of individuality and singularity, of which we seem to be culturally obsessed. Language and empathy took frigging forever to evolve into our current reality. What if my self and your self are easily sub and/or merge-able and malleable into a new conglomeration that might employ the homogenization of our collective thought and understanding. We’re walking in the footsteps of the basic building blocks of the universe—one becomes two becomes googolplex and so on. What if we as individuals are a collective? More complicated than the bees of course-- more nuanced, but still advancing as a group that would reward itself with reasonable cooperation, and a non negotiable anti mutual destruction clause. Sting like a butterfly and walk like a bee, and I’ll meet you on the inside of your brain.   ps read pisces and maybe aries too.

                                                Sagittarius

Quickly, a word about turkey: what a word! It’s a modern day country, a bird, a bowling term, an abject failure, a symbol of abundance stuffed with bread and perhaps other meats, while we willingly suck up to the teat of beautiful gravy, born of dripping carcass juices in oven’s demesne- heat makes change and hence, life—mutation—evolution—process upon countless processes, culminating in the spirit of thyself—the anima of your consciousness---the synecdoche of you that is part and parcel of the universe at large—the micro to the macro, and all the dalliances in betwixt. Your multi faceted turkey is within you—a manifestation of you…that’s why we eat it…to gain its power!! Grok your mammalian roots and hunt the wild orchid—fret not the power of imagined overlords… You are free. You are free. You are free. You are free. You are free. You are free……

                                                Capricorn

A halo, or nimbus, or icebow, is an atmo effect that when ice crystals in strato create a visual effect of a circle of light around the sun—and briefly, here’s the history of the halo: naturally, the sun is the logical thing to worship from an early primate point of view. The sun seems like it controls everything. Sun worship—sounds great—but it’s merely a step in the evolutionary chain. The sun creates everything, but then there’s weather and altitude, and countless other factors that determine/influence our evolution, and ergo—our beliefs…so, anyhoo, the atmo effect of a halo evolved into the shining light behind all our saviors and/or prophets and or/ benevolent tyrants. This is how we communicate through time, ergo: we are timeless, and the knowledge of all our forbears is finite, and yet also: our birthright. Feel the glow? Dive fearlessly through to the other side of the halo and report back.

Aquarius

We think a lot, you and I—‘specially when the evening's spread eagled against the sky and we lie as patients sleeping upside down and table-wise, all angular and semantic, unaware of the implications of our soul’s true wont. And despite outsider behaviorisms, we are not imbalanced to the wrong side of the bell curve that plagues humanity, simply because of some basic math of large populations and the exponential rate of evolution in a relatively closed system such as ours, or so I presume yours to be—be cause the elemental difference betwixt our genetic codes—hard ass wiring, bitches…brain, en-warped and steadfast throughout the medievilness of his-story…oh shit---over thinking has made me undone, and yet I cannot deny my/our true nature. Just keep the keel even, and the pensive seas will remain calm as long as they humanly can.

                                                Pisces

You’re a reverse engineerio, reborn phoenixlike in every century, in every reachable place where like species gather, to pull apart like pulled pork, the how of why things work---whether that be a monster truck or a person’s psyche or those pesky tachyons or those irritating wants and yens and yearning that draw us dangerously close to trouble---and why not dive in? The how of the why is the secret to everything; just bear in mind that the how of every why will likely take even a brilliant mind such as yours, all of time to figure out, especially considering that the how of every why is an infinite journey into the madness of infinity. Infinity! Bah, I say. B-A-H. Forever is just absurd when you really put your brain into it—which is my rambling point: we are swept through infinity, and as you travel your understanding only grows. Embrace and forgive—including thyself.