Dr Pants McTurd's
More Than True Horror-scopes
(not associated with
horror or scopes of any ilk)
Quality Futurism That Doesn’t Suck!
♈ Aries – Whizz bangs, déjà views,
a total protonic reversal, and maybe even flying space monkeys armed with boomerangs
may be swishing and swashbuckling thru your space in the next week, and here’s
some why: as of the 23rd we have a new moon in Scorpio, a partial
solar eclipse—which happens twice per annum btw—the Sun also moves into Scorpio
and if that’s not enough for the likes of an Aries like you, Venus named for
Aphrodite, yet containing one of the most hostile environs in our system, she
also moves into Scorpio for the next few weeks. And while Scorps have a sting
first, ask stupid questions later reputation, Aries is one of the few signs who
really gets off on all the tumult, soul searching and chaos—just make sure you
know where you left your pants, because this next week or so could be
revolutionary, mind begooggling and long term.
♉ Taurus –Quick astro primer: we get four eclipses
per year, two solar and two lunar. That said, we had a full lunar two weeks ago
and on the 23rd we get a partial solar, and in between these two
eclipsii, little bastard Mercury has been retrograde moving back into Libra
leaving the path not taken to be like wtf, only to move forward once again as
of the 25th, which leads the Dr Pants to advise bullish types like
you to imagine a world where you actually get a second chance, and this never
happens in an entropic multiverse, everything changing all the frikking
time—possibly the whole point of the ‘verse in fact might be to never ever never
do the same thing twice. That said, this week you may espy an opportunity to
make a different choice, utilize a better option and redress whatever is naked
and wrong. Choose something else.
♊ Gemini –This week may
seem like a Choose Your Own Adventure book that you’re reading a second time
thru, hoping for a better alternative to falling into a pit, crashing on a
remote island or a trip to the dentist. The multiverse almost never ever never
lets the same thing happen twice, it would seem like a cop out considering how
vast the scale, right? But this week, due to retrograde bullshite, partial
solar eclipses, new moons and Mars heading for Sagittarius horse country as of
the 26th, this week you may have a chance to do, think or believe
something again but in a different light. Make a new choice, pick a new
direction and fear not cross trade winds or crappy endings. Make off with
treasure, get that girl/guy, and have cake and eat it too. Luck favors the
bold.
♋ Cancer –Centrifuges,
boomerang effects, déjà views, and warp speed are on tap for this
weeks’ celestial wanderings, let’s posit: on the 23rd the Sun moves
into Scorpio, the New Moon is in Scorp, as well as a partial solar eclipse, two
weeks after a full lunar eclipse btw, and then on the 25th Mercury
stops this retrograde bullshite, and then on the 26th Venus also
moves into Scorpio. Oof. History may seem like it’s repeating, but this time
with a twist of lemon, or maybe vinegar, but either way it will be a hell of a palate
cleanser. In the next week, if you feel like you been here before, you may
have, but this may be a chance to make a new choice, plot a different course
and change the winds of fortune toward more favorable ends. Redesign, rethink,
retool and do it again, but better.
♌ Leo –Finally your
leonine patience is due to be rewarded with forward moving, proactive, withheld
by nothing and no one celestial action, so let’s posit: from the 23rd
to the 26th, new Moon in Scorp, partial eclipse also in Scorp, Mercury
out of retro, and Mars moves into Sag, a fellow fire sign and not one to sit
idly by pretty much ever. Shot out of a cannon, tripping thru a Stargate
wormhole and/or actually getting a second chance at something you thought had
passed may all happen either silkily and subtly or quick and pointedly like a
tiger’s temper. To avoid an all out burn out after blast off, maybe grab a nap
and a sandwich, this week’s gonna be straight up weird—astrologically speaking,
so think at least once before you pounce. Then of course by all means, pounce
like a champ.
♍ Virgo –The multiverse
is so complex that it never ever never has to do the same thing twice, in fact
it’s frowned upon considering the sheer size and scope of impossible
limitlessness, and that’s why in the next week you may experience the same
thing you did a month ago when you passed on it, and mayhap you’ll get another
chance, but here’s the caveat: it won’t be the same, it may look, smell and
quack the same, but this ain’t no duck. But it’s no weird bullshite Guardians
of the Galaxy final scene either. It may be just a glance down a path not taken
or a life not led. Only insane people do things the same way twice, right?
Don’t be insane, choose smarter this time, the consequences will be marvellous,
potent and long lasting.
♎ Libra –Obviously
there’s glitches in the matrix causing déjà views of black cats, because
there’s no way that it’s fair that birthday Sun times for Libras and an
immunity to all things crosshaired and crosseyed could be coming to an end. The
Dr Pants also calls bullshite! That doesn’t mean that the skies get boring, check these
stars: while Mercury was in retrograde—til the 25th btw—he started
to move into the sign of Scorpio, when Libra pulled him back in, apparently not
done with her business, and after Merc goes forward, there’s extra Mercury Libra
time til we get back to the ultimate scorpionic destination—don’t fret, Merc
comes back to Libra once a year, this time you got a little extra. Hopefully
you’re using this extra timespace to foist your mercy onto the tender souls of
the earth that have missed you. Rain sunshine down on all you see and be overly
generous with your time, your breath smells like kittens and cinnamon and mercy.
♏ Scorpio –Firstly, happy
birthday Sun times, you chthonian fire water arachnid! Secondly, this next
month is all you, check this shite: on the 23rd there’s a new moon
in Scorp, with a lemon twist of a partial solar eclipse, also the Sun moves
into Scorp and so does Venus—ironic that we named her after Aphrodite, the most
beautiful of all, and yet the planet Venus couldn’t be more inhospitabl and
sulphuric—aptly perfect for Scorpio, since beauty can exist way way down deep
even buried in the darkest of sediments where sunlight is kept hidden from
secrets and we have to dig for our treasure. So much sky action in your nape of
the woods, that your shite may actually have no odor whatsoever. We all know
you have it, don’t be coy, show us what ya got. And happy birthday…
♐ Sagittarius –The big news for
you fiery centurian archer types isn’t about all the Scorpio Sun and Moon
energy on the 23rd, including a partial solar eclipse, or even
Mercury coming out of retro on the 25th—but Mars and whatever you
associate with it moving into Sag on the 26th for an adventurous
three week visit. Mars was named for the god of war, a male planet on the other
side of Earth from Venus, and yet ironically, the big blustery war machine is
actually much smaller in size than either Earth or Venus—it’s always the little
guy who wants to start trouble, cough-Napoleon-cough, so when you look up in
the sky at the angry red planet, behind it will be the sign of the Sag. Birthday
for you in a month, but for now action, action, action, and then more action.
Giddy up, horsey.
♑ Capricorn –The giant
unkillable sky scorpion, aka Scorpius isn’t all that bad a dude, the Dr Pants
is just sayin. In one story, Orion the great hunter—on the opposite side of the
sky from the Scorp btw, for good reason—in order to prove his greatness wanted
to hunt all the animals of the Earth, which would ironically leave him without
a reason to exist, but neverthenary, big mammajamma© Gaia, who created
all the animals, sent the most powerful of them to kill the greatest hunter, so
really the scorpion is the savior of humanity—a poisonous arachnoid chosen one
come to save us all. The Dr Pants’s point is, is that after a new moon in
Scorp, a partial solar eclipse, forward moving Mercury, and Mars dipping his
claws into Sagittarius, and in 2 weeks a full moon in Sag—there’s bizarre,
maybe even scary shite on the horizon, but it’s just a scorpionic messiah coming
to save you. Don’t run, stand ready, face your fear, cause it’s here to help, endow
and uplift.
Aquarius
♒ -The Dr Pants
slept thru most of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but there’s a song about a
time warp or something, which leads him to you: You’ve been time warping thru
most of October, haven’t you? Well, shite’s about to get weird and sort of
real, so plant your brain feet and check this shite: Merc out of retro on the
25th, slungshot thru a wormhole of a new moon / partial eclipse on
the 23rd, and while nobody was looking, Mars alleged planet of
action and war and Grrrrrr! quietly slips into Sagittarius, alleged fire
starting half horse with perfect aim who asks questions later if at all. Look,
the Dr Pants gets it, it’s cool to let your mind wander endlessly over
Wordsworthian clouds, even on a regular basis, but for this week practice
pondering the Now and let the later figure it out. Literally ope thine eyes.
♓ Pisces –Action and
adventure? No way! Except that in this case, it’s a yes. Celestially speaking
this next week or so might feel like a movie co-directed by Martin Scorcese and
David Lynch, except that not everyone has to die, it’ll make sense kinda, and
it should have really cool cinematography, but somehow the style overtakes us,
the royal WE, the audience, demanding reason and purity from my art, like this
is a marketplace after all, n'est-ce pas? But what about
my art? MY ART? My vision, my emotions up there on the canvas for all to see
and gawk at like I’m some prized pig now butchered and hung out to drip dry
slowly on a hook like so much fish bait— Wait, what? Adventure, yes yes and
action and so forth—weird, big budget, artsy and/or fartsy. And for a change
watch this one sober. The Dr Pants kids, have a cocktail—have two, this is a
trippy flick.
No comments:
Post a Comment