Dr Pants McTurd's
More Than True Horror-scopes
(not associated with
horror or scopes of any ilk)
Quality Futurism That Doesn’t Suck!
♈ Aries –Into the cave
you must go. Your weapons, you will not need them. What’s in there is only what
you take with you. So, don’t take a sword or a gun because then you become the
gun and your nature is perverted by your own doing, which might lead you to
whack off your own head. Don’t be more machine than man, but rather seek thou
to hanged encompassing thy joy, despite your fear. Briefly, actual stuff: 4th
largest gas bag Neptune yet most dense, only officially part of our collective
unconscious and subterranean floor plan since like 1845, comes out of
retrograde on the 16th, along with all the shite we’ve put off for a
later date. Well, it’s a later date. Open the floodgates.
♉ Taurus –Four of the twelve signs are known as
fixed signs, which does not imply stubborness, obstinacy or even self entrenched
psychological warfare, even tho a Taurean enthusiast might say different.
Howsomeever, fixed actually refers to the circular nature of the zodiac and
hold tight, cause there be math here: there be 2 solstices and 2 equinoxes per
earth year, right, specific turning points re the literal tilt of the Earth,
right, and 8 of the 12 signs lie abut to these special cyclical earth-sun-moon
positions. But 4 of the 12 are fixed—Taurus, Scorp, Aquarius and Leo—having
nothing to do with such hoi polloi and everyday hoo ha. Breathe, observe, keep
breathing, and then let flow.
♊ Gemini –This whole week
is like one of those mornings when you wake up early, before the sun, sky still
inkling with pre dawn light, maybe some fog and early morning moonlight, and
you walk out into the yard or the street and you’re barefoot and still
pajama-ed, and there’s something about the air that brought you out, it’s
chilly but humid and warm and you think, why can’t all the earth stay in this
moment of splendid suspended moisture forever and a day, and why can’t this
moment extend my subterranean misplaced dreams and create a stage for even a
moment, where the slippery photons illuminate a bolder reality, a somehow more
real version of samsara, a loop in time which repeats this rare perfect moment.
Dream, therefore you are. All green lights.
♋ Cancer –Waking dreams,
mirages, sleights of hand or even foot may appear before your open disbelieving
eyes and ears in the coming weeks, and here’s some weird why: Neptune,
officially part of our collective conscience since 1845 or so, comes out of
retrograde on the 16th, and even tho our relationship with this orb is
still new-ish, compared to Venus or Jupiter which humankind has been watching
for as long as we’ve had eyes, we’ve named it after the god of the sea, of bottomless
abysses and mysteries that we will ever try to rope within our ken. And now
this planet of subconscious subterranean blue green gas will be moving forward
in our sky along with the rest of normal stellar traffic. Finally, dream
forward and let go the past.
♌ Leo –Halloween and
Day of Dead just happened, but this week is when the veil betwixt this world
and the next couple is sheer indeed, and here’s some weird why: there’s this
big dense ball of methane and ammonia that we’ve named after the god of the
sea, master of unknowable and bottomless deeps, purveyor of all things that you
never woulda guessed were even possible—Neptune, and as of the 16th
he’ll stop his retrograde crap and move forward in the sky along with the rest
of stellar traffic, conforming for now anyhoo to our current level of samsara,
where all eyes can see what’s been furrowed, forgone and forsworn, perhaps out
of fear, ignorance or even bliss. Victory from the jaws of defeat? Mayhap.
Overturned tables that were bolted down? Probably. New beginnings? Yep.
♍ Virgo –Some neat math
that the Dr Pants will keep brief: the super dense gas bag Neptune was
discovered on paper around 1845 before it was ever seen with a human eye—altho
Galileo was damn close over 200 years earlier—and since 1845, Neptune has
orbited the Sun a total of one time, just once. One orbit taking around 165
years. Your great great, maybe even three greats, grandparents were busy trying
to survive the 19th century when Neptune became part of our
collective knowledge. We named it for the god of the sea, the bottomless deep
where mysteries will ever be beyond our ken. And on the 16th, this
strange outer planet comes out of a sleepy retrograde, and dreams and fantasies
may hit the real world stage, even if only for a brief flicker. Get organized
for new and yet old and familiar yet starkly different realities. Déjà views…
♎ Libra –Here’s some
facts: Neptune is the fourth largest of the gas giants yet it’s the most dense,
it was discovered on paper around 1845 before anyone ever saw it thru a
telescope, ancient astrologers had no idea it existed so everything we ascribe
as its meaning has evolved arbitrarily in very recent history. All that said,
Neptune is the god of the sea and deep mysteries, of dreams and ideals,
knowledge that is ever fleeting with last nite’s REM cycle, and on the 16th
this blue gas bag comes out of a long sleepy retrograde and starts moving forward
with the rest of stellar traffic. Déjà views and random
interstellar incoherence coupled with sensory bliss. Don’t ask, just go with
it.
♏ Scorpio –The great gig in
the sky for you this week is all about Scorpio, so let’s talk some shop: there
are 12 signs, divided into 3 groups, of which Scorpio is known as a fixed sign,
which could imply obstinacy, intractibility and/or an insistently stubborn
demeanor—but, picture the zodiacal circle, which cannot help but be seasonally
based—Taurus and Scorp & Aquarius and Leo are all fixed—actually referring
to their position on the circle. There’s two solstices and two equinoxes per
Earth year, right, so 8 of the 12 signs border one of those four orbital
turning points. The 4 fixed signs however don’t have anything to do with the
changing of either guard or season, but with the unwavering solidity of genius.
Happy continued birthday times, you beautiful dreamtime philosopher.
♐ Sagittarius –Do some
stretches, get limber, make sure your tools are sharp, renew your ocular
prescription and be ready to tilt at windmills, golden parachutes, or even your
most passionate far flung dreams that you imagine in your mind will make you
complete, fullfilled at least for now, till the season and your equine will
changes, and you charge a different horizon. Two things, both on the 16th:
Neptune, god of the sea and unkowable mystery comes out of retrograde, and
Venus planet of perfect beauty, moves into Sagittarius, and all this sets up a
solar transition into Sag on the 22nd. It reeks of adventure,
realization of previously subconscious and subterranean ideals, and hearty
birthday spankings. Breath deep the gathering perfect Sagittarian storm.
♑ Capricorn –The overwhelming
majority of stars in our sky moves in predictable spinning fashion above us,
but from our earthly pov all the planets in our solar system occasionally appear
to move backwards in the sky. Mercury does it 3 times a year, so does Venus, even
giant Jupiter goes into reverse once a year—the farther out the planet, the
longer the retrograde lasts and perhaps deeper is the meaning which it portends
and fulfills. This week consider Neptune, god of the sea, fourth biggest gas
giant and symbolic of all things deep and rife with endless mystery, who comes
out of retrograde motion and moves ‘forward’, probably into more nebulous
dreamy territory where our id and ego get intimate and hopefully plan together
for the future. Eyes ever to the horizon.
Aquarius
♒ -Galileo Galilei
(allegedly born Feb 15 btw) is our archetypal Aquarian for the week and here’s
some weird context: he isn’t given credit for its discovery, but Galilei saw
Neptune in the sky (barely) and thought it was a fixed star, mostly because
when he observed it, it was in retrograde and not moving along with the normal
flow of stellar traffic. Flash forward to mid 1800’s when Neptune was
mathematically discovered on paper and then seen thru a telescope, and then
named after the god of the sea, of the unknowable depths, the master and sole
purveyor of everthing you’ve relegated to your subconscious and subterranean
mindset, to be dealt with later as more ‘facts’ arise. But here we are, on an
actual brink, where the layers between worlds are thin and you see the path
ahead like no one else can. Embiggen the path, and lead the way.
♓ Pisces –MMMmmmm, fish
soup, cioppino, warm salty seas full of weird sea mammals, like manatees, and
even stranger fishy types like male birthing seahorses—the equines of the
ocean—as well as quickly vanishing insights, expletives, and an eternal moment
of peace arising from your unification with the ocean, the deeps, the ever
unknowables and a deep connection to your id and what it means to want
something, something specific, something that can’t be described in paltry
phrases or empty sentiments, all of which are tripe and bullshite. Step 1: eat
a lot of fish. Step 2: Dream the dream that fishes dream. And 3) merge yourself
with what/who/where you want to be/do/are. Then, go to there.
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