Dr Pants McTurd's
More Than True Horror-scopes
pantsmcturd.blogspot.com
(not associated with
horror or scopes of any ilk)
Quality
Futurism That Doesn’t Suck!
♈ Aries –Heady times to
be an fiery Aries and here’s some astro why: as we close November a lot of
planetary action moves into Sagittarius—prime example is new moon and Sun into
Sag on the 22nd, but Venus is already there and Mercury will soon
follow next week, and even tho Sag and Aries can be a conflagrationary duo,
this time of year celestially speaking, not a destructive fire but a creative
tool like a sun bringing light to this part of the ‘verse, life can’t exist
without fire, and Sag never stops desiring and aiming for positive change—just
like the Aries, n'est-ce pas? The sky is about to grant unfettered access to what you
need, want, desire or lack. Ignite metaphorical fires.
♉ Taurus –Fire is not always destructive, consider
the Sun encouraging life on Earth, or a lightbulb idea that sparks changes in
perspective and prospectus, fire is light and light is a creator, the
multiverse started in darkness and was birthed into light and life, so, fire =
good. On the 22nd, the Sun moves into Sagittarius and we get a new
Moon in Sag, which leads to a full moon in airy Gemini in two weeks—the perfect
fuel to the fire of creative and inspiring energies that only want to spread,
disseminate and continue creating spurting fonts of new ideas, new worlds and
new modalities of thought. Craving something new? Anxious for adventure? Step
right up, fear nothing and jump into the light, you’ll come out the other side
enlightened, weightless and shiny new.
♊ Gemini –Your half
birthday times are here ushered in by a new Moon in Sagittarius and the Sun
moving into Sag, both on the 22nd. Sag btw is opposite from you Gems
on the imaginary wheel in space that we call the ecliptic, the path the Sun
follows in the sky. Sag is fire and you’re air and often each other’s booty
call, but let’s talk history for a sec: Sag is a centaur, half human half
horse, with perfect aim, and he loves to shoot, at anything and
everything—hopes, dreams, wishes, destinies—Gem air is perfect fuel for Sag
fire. Oh, and in two weeks we have a full moon in Gemini, so this is no
birthday to half ass. Bring your full perfect ass to bear and start reigning
and reveling in sage Sag fire. Hot hot, hot hot baths. Alter your future thru
heat and fiery will.
♋ Cancer –Crabs may prefer
the quietude of a remote coastal escape during this tumultuous time of year,
when Sagittarius takes over the sky, after driving the Sun thru the alimentary
canal of the Scorpion—but if you do take a respite you might miss all the
shennanigans. Posit: Sag is a centaur, half horse half man and the best shot in
the galaxy, and while he’s not aiming at the star Antares at the heart of
constellation Scorpio, he’s aiming at everything that trips his fancy—for
better or worse. Centaurs want what they want and their desire is unfathomably
deep and insistent. And even tho the calendar year is ending, it’s actually a
celestial rebirth, new life that wants to experience everything. This week,
step outside your shell and let some arrows fly, maybe even get hit with a few.
The resulting change could be unbelievable, unsuspectingly cathartic and long
awaited.
♌ Leo –The
constellation Sagittarius, a fellow fire sign and one as impatient for changes
of scenery as Leos are, is very close in our sky to the galactic center of the
Milky Way and therefore contains lots of nebulae—the birthplace of stars,
energy, light and new beginnings, which is entirely apropos, keeping in mind
that fire isn’t merely destructive, it also creates life—the Sun for example,
or a light bulb of an idea that changes perspectives and prospectuses for
better or perceived worse. On the 22nd the Sun moves into Sag, we
get a new Moon in Sag and all hellfire might break loose—or heavenfire. Does
heaven have fire? Wait, Leos are athiests, shite! Hold tight, things might get
Wyyrd.
-
♍ Virgo –Briefly:
opposite you on the imaginary wheel in the sky that we call the ecliptic—a
three dollar word for the path of the Sun across our sky—is watery Pisces, a
cardinal sign—one that ends with an equinox—one of two per annum, and the sign
of Virgo, also cardinal which also ends with an equinox—equanimity? Mayhap.
More explicitly: our current celestial outlook is about a new moon in
Sagittarius and our Sun also moving into Sag both on the 22nd –and
Sag is also a cardinal sign, one that mutates into Capricorn and the solstice
and tipping points of all kinds come year’s end. Upheave, uplift and upturn the
metaphorical dirt under your mind’s nails, and clarity will rule the week.
♎ Libra –It may seem odd
for new beginnings at year’s end, but don’t believe your calendars, and to hell
with incoming northern hemi winter right? This time of year is ripe for
rebirth, recycling, renewal and whole new sets of challenges and beautiful
change, here’s some symbolic astro why: the Sun’s about done with Scorpio and
on the 22nd moves into Sagittarius, a fire sign which loves to light
the way for anyone with air to burn. Sag btw was a centaur, half horse with the
best aim in the galaxy, who hits whatever he aims at—granted, sometimes you
never know what you’re asking for till you get it, but the Dr Pants is implying
that with Venus already in Sag and Mercury soon to follow on the 27th,
all signs should be asking for what they want, not just in some Santa Claus way,
but to ask the multiverse for what has been lacking, absent, awol, or just out
to lunch. Arrows to the ready, you’re air apparent and fuel to any fire.
♏ Scorpio –Scorp Sun times
are always a challenge, n'est-ce pas? Lots of bacchanalian
birthdays, life, death, renewal, and digging in the dirt to find and heal the
places we got hurt. Yet despite your machinations, the sky is moving towards a
distinctly Sagittarian vibe in a big way. Venus went there on the 16th
and on the 22nd the Sun and the new Moon move into Sag and on the 27th
so does Mercury. That said, Sag is a centaur, half man half horse, and he’s the
greatest marksman in the galaxy, who can aim for multiple targets at once and
hit them all dead center. Also consider that the Sag desire for things, people,
ideas and destinies is endless, boundless and unstoppable, and this month the
sky is all about centaurs—endless desire and constant striving for positive
change. Happy future.
♐ Sagittarius –Don’t go home.
Go way big. Here’s some astro why: perfect sultry Venus moved into Sag on the
16th and on the 22nd the Sun moves into Sag, which =
birthday Sag times!, and on the same day the new moon is also in Sag, leading
up to a blow out full moon in two weeks in your astro mate and often bed buddy
Gemini, and the 27th Mercury also moves into Sag. It’s a virtual Sag
fest and you’re leading the charge. Impulsive? Yes. Center of the multiverse
and everyone’s favorite trouble maker? Yes. Don’t get greedy, but do be over
zealous. It’s Sag party time, so lose your pants, do your dance and in general
ask for anything, ask for multiple anythings or anyones—the floor and the sky
are yours for the taking. Happy birthday times, you brilliant scoundrel and
insane raconteur.
♑ Capricorn –The sky is
moving from Scorpio fire water into fun never stops Sagittarius, mostly on the
22nd , so fiery creative change is afoot, and here’s some astro why:
Sag is a centaur, half man half horse, and he’s the best shot in the galaxy, in
fact his celestial arrow and perfect aim is forever trained on the star Antares
at the heart of constellular Scorpio just in case he goes on another murderous
rampage, but Sag is also aiming for his desires, which are numerous,
unfathomable and insistent. And even tho the calendar year is ending soon, Sag portends
a solstice, the upswing of our entire globe, and irreverence bounded by no
one’s poor taste. Change your mind, maybe change your life.
Aquarius
♒ -Skywise,
everything is coming up Sagittarius—Venus is already there, and on the 22nd
the Sun moves into Sag, there’s a new moon in Sag and on the 27th
Mercury will move into Sag, all of which should be a boon and bounty to air
types like us. Brief historical primer: Sag is a centaur, half horse half man,
and he’s the best shot in the galaxy, sometimes credited with inventing
archery, and his celestial arrow is always aimed at what he wants, loves,
desires and seeks to assimilate. Whatever an Aquarius wants—who knows, right?—aim
with your heart, not your eye, and take down from the sky a piece—a seed of
what you want your life to be—soon we will sow, garden and reap.
♓ Pisces –Since you’re the
oldest water sign, and the sign that transitions us from the end of the zodiac
to the beginning in Aries, let’s talk seriously for a moment about beaver, and
how it’s your power animal for the week. (for actual astro knowledge read any
other sign) Before mankind started damming up rivers and over-manipulating the
planet’s watershed, the beaver had already been doing it for a milennia. They
dam rivers causing water to collect and pool, drawing insects and birds that
couldn’t previously exist when water moves too fast for life to take hold. Before
the 19th century, there were 60 million beavers in North America,
who knows maybe the beaver was on its evolutionary path to planetary
domination, until us monkeys ate all the Neanderthals for breakfast. This week,
be the beaver, dam what you will, and as usual make your environment a product
of you.
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